Hi. I'm an artist, and, from the blog's title, you might've gleaned that I'm in a crisis (confused? yeah, I changed the name - it WAS "artist in crisis"). I have been for awhile and I need to talk about it.
I'm trying not to edit myself or go into these posts with much of an agenda. My brain is STUFFED and I need to purge. Purge and examine with the hope that I can break this intense inertia.
I've audiobook'd over a hundred books on creativity, artists' lives, doing what you love, overcoming obstacles, finding your "passion", quitting your day job, being a badass...
...while they have been helpful (for the most part), I think I've overdone it. I can't think straight about them anymore; I can't remember the parts that might help me now.
Should I go back and re-read (re-listen to) them? Take notes? Will those scribblings then get lost like so much else and if they do, is it a fruitless endeavor that I shouldn't spend my energy on?
How many questions was that in one mini paragraph? (another one!) Holy moley.
You wanna hear a summary of what I'm battling with at the moment (as an artist)?
I WANT to work. It's not a lack of desire at all. It's an inability to choose a subject... it's the maddening over-thinking I'm engaged in:
"I like that. I should draw it."
"Why? It's not novel (unique) at all."
"No one will care. No one will look."
"This is a pointless endeavor. You should give up."
Every day I spiral this way.
When I was younger (I'm 45), this mental dance was less distressing because I was blissfully ignorant about time (like most 20-somethings). I thought I had an unlimited salad and breadsticks quantity of it - if I don't create today, I can tomorrow... or next month... or whatever.
This has changed.
If time were these headphones that I strap on every day of my life, you'd have a pretty decent metaphor of how it feels lately. I am PANICKED about the time I have left.
And panic doesn't exactly afford the conditions within which I can create ANYTHING. Not even a fart.
So.
That's one piece of my crisis*.
There's a lot for me to talk about... and a lot I don't even realize I'll talk about. This blog is the dumping ground for all of that with the hopes that it'll free me up to create again.
Posts will be haphazard - varying times of day, lengths, topics.
...Who am I talking to anyway? No one is going to read this thing, save me.
And so it goes.
*In the grand scheme of the world we live in, I know that my use of "crisis" here is a bit of an over-statement. Just give me a break, ok? It was hard enough to start this thing.
